just a few funny jokes

Women are angels. When we break a wing, we fly on our broom. We are flexible that way!

top ten tips to know if you have PMS
10. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

9. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet

8. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

7. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

6. You're using your cell phone to dial up bumper stickers that says, "How's my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-SHIT."

5. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

4. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.

3. You're counting down the days until menopause.

2. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

1. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

Signs That You're Broke
At communion you go back for seconds.

You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.

You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.

Long distance companies don't call you to switch.

You give blood everyday.. just for the orange juice.

McDonald's is the supplier of all your kitchen condiments.

American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"

Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant.

You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic bond with Abe Lincoln.

Feel Better
Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self- pitying.

She moaned to her mom and brother, "Nobody loves me.. the whole world hates me!"

Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: "That's not true, Mary. Some people don't even know you."

wow nice mad me laugh very nice :face: